More Than Just A Pageant

April 18, 2013



 

Arriving at the pageant, I wasn't sure what to expect, but found so much more than I could have hoped for at the Mrs. California United States Pageant April 11-13, 2013.  I met some of the most amazing women I have ever met.  Those I got to know were selfless servants who cared about way more than themselves.  They were fun and down-to-earth.  I had never experienced so many beautiful women in one place being sweeter.  



Mrs. Monterey Bay ~ The beginning of weekend filled with fun & adventure!
(Photographer - Todd Sipes)




Arriving At Mrs. California US
(Photographer - Joe Pier)

I wish there were words to describe how absolutely amazing this experience was.  What impressed me the most was how happy for me they all were when I won the People's Choice Award for Mrs. California United States...

their congratulations were sincere and sweet!  These women were helpful, encouraging, courageous, and strong...truly unforgettable. 

Pajama Party and Gift Exchange Thursday Evenging
(Photographer - Joe Pier)

Award Banquet Friday Night Before the Show
(Photographer - Joe Pier)

Nor Cal Girls Snapping a Pic Before the Show Begins

  

 In reality, I shouldn't have even been able to enter this type of pageant and suddenly became overwhelmed by the gratefulness I felt at being able to participate in something so amazing.  You see, my face had been crushed in 2008 to the point that on the flight to another state with medical assistance, everyone openly stared  at me.  I knew I looked deformed.  My brain and body were too injured for me to be concerned yet about my face, my eye that was bleeding, or my jaw that I couldn't chew with.  However, when it came time to have emergency facial reconstruction surgery and I had to sign on the dotted line that I was psychologically sound enough to be deformed for the rest of my life, the reality settled in.  For me walking across that stage was a much bigger event that just entering a pageant...it meant that I had been the grateful subject of a miracle.




On Stage with Mrs. California 2012
(Photographer - Joe Pier)

Mr. and Mrs. Monterey Bay
(Photographer - Joe Pier)

  I walked away from this amazing event with my heart soaring.  You would have really thought I had won the crown because I could not stop smiling and glowing!  I just didn't want it all to end.  After the commotion died down and everyone went their ways, I felt like Cinderella at midnight after the ball...it had been magical and now we were all headed back to life as usual...other than the fact that, for me, life is never usual.  I had spent three days savoring every moment.

Roses from my beloved husband and a picture with some of my amazing new friends.
(Photographer - Todd Sipes)

 

 Thank you.  Thank you had been tattooed on my heart since the day I was so graciously reconstructed to, not only to look normal, but to look like I used to...

Thank you, Dr. Burt Fabisoff, for spending time at the hospital with me for hours working on my face!  There are just no words to describe the impact you've made on my life, my livelihood, and, as a result, the lives of others.  I will always be indebted to you and will never forget your compassion. 

In at least a hundred ways...you are my hero!

Posted to Facebook...

While I didn't take the crown this weekend at Mrs. California United States, I met so many very amazing people and had the time of my life doing so! I also felt incredibly honored that the state of California and many of you across the nation voted for me to be the

People's Choice for Mrs. California United States.

I am very happy to be the queen of people's hearts and so excited to give my charity of choice, BrainSong - The Micah Jones Foundation, the funds that were raised through the voting!
You're vote is now helping women with traumatic brain injuries learn to live "life with new lyrics".

From the bottom of my heart, Thank you!!

~ Rachel Martinez, Mrs. Monterey Bay United States

 

On The Radio

April 10, 2013

 

My sponsor and friend, Nancy Erfan of Beautiful Spa in Monterey, CA, and I began talking while she gave me my first professional facial.  Not only did she revolutionize my entire skin care regimen, she became a good friend.  Every time I saw her, I was surprised to find just how many talents she had up her sleeve.  As she heard my story about how I began the journey to where I was as a spokesperson, advocate, and title holder as Mrs. Monterey Bay, she let me know that I needed to share my story more publicly.   I sent her my bio and out it went to all the local media and onto every social network.  As soon as the biography of part of my story went out, I received a phone call from the local radio station...could I go on the air for 10 minutes?  Absolutely.  The radio host began asking me more about my story and decided that maybe I should go on for 15 minutes and then started thinking that maybe...hmm.  I told him I was available for the hour. 

The next morning I got a call at 8:35am and began the interview.  At 9:05 I was off the air and totally amazed that I had just been able to share so much with my fellow Californians.  How exciting to be a part of something much bigger than myself.  Here is the interview...

A Little About Me

April 5, 2013

When I joined the United States Army in 2005 as a Soldier, I was given the jobs Interrogator and Linguist and began studying Arabic in Military Intelligence.  By the time I left the military in 2008, I had a partially paralyzed left leg,  a traumatic brain injury, heart failure, and a brain tumor.  Just days after leaving the military while planning my wedding, the left side of my face was completely crushed and had to be reconstructed in emergency surgery after the internal bleeding was under control.  My left eye was barely salvaged.  Pins plates, and hundreds of stitches later, the journey to recovery had just begun.  I had to relearn many things and the doctors told me there were many more things I would never do again, but I now have a sky diving video...(http://tinyurl.com/l8uf76n) and just learned that my left vocal chord has started working again March 26, 2013, after being damaged in surgery in March 2008.  I will sing again! 

 By the time I experienced my third traumatic brain injury, I finally began to share my story.  I thought that sharing my story would give me negative labels that I'd rather do without and was stunned to find the opposite...my story encouraged people whether or not they had experienced a traumatic brain injury.   Events I once thought would keep me from my dreams, instead became the exact events that led me to a destiny beyond my wildest dreams of telling my story to people across the United States of America...a story of tragedy conquered by a refusal to give up.  Though I have partnered with many charities, I now speak on behalf of people who have survived traumatic brain injuries to bring awareness to our invisible injuries by speaking at events throughout the state of California and across the United States of America.  I do not have enough words for how honored and humbled I feel to even be able to do this.

I am also collaborating with Stanford University and The Department of Veterans Affairs to educate medical staff, encourage fellow women veterans who have experienced traumatic brain injuries, and raise public awareness about the effects traumatic brain injuries have on female veterans by telling my story.  The digital version of part of my story is also going into the National Smithsonian Archives and is viewable below as well as on You Tube at the link below the video...

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlfrBSjNv4k

My personal journey to recovery has been long and difficult at best, but I have learned so many things along that way that have allowed me to empathize with people, especially women who have been through or are going through difficult life experiences.  I have also learned about many holistic ways to facilitate healing from traumatic brain injuries such as nutrition, brain remapping, natural therapy, and music.  While complete healing is always the hope we harbor, knowing that some of the effects of my three traumatic brain injuries have lingered for longer than I would like, I understand that healing is not always possible, complete, or immediate, but by raising public awareness, those who come to understand it better can help a traumatic brain injury survivor live life to the fullest, press the boundaries, and have hope for tomorrow.
 

As Mrs. Monterey Bay, I am encouraging survivors and raising awareness, not only in California where I live, but across the United States by sharing a story of triumph...my story of over coming incredible odds and finding hope in the dark.

If you would like to contact me to speak at an event, please e-mail me at holographique@live.com. 


Sincerely and with lots of love,

Rachel Chapin Martinez
Mrs. Monterey Bay

An Amazing Opportunity to Make a Difference!

March 22, 2013

Just got a call from Micah Jones of BrainSong the Micah Jones Foundation this morning!  She had been telling me she wanted to talk to me about something and we'd been corresponding for some time now, but I had no idea what she would end up asking me this morning at 8:00am.  I hadn't actually pondered what she might ask or say since we had been talking pretty candidly and developed quite a friendship...I just figured we would talk about the journey we'd been on toward healing.

The night before she called me, March 21, 2013, I chose BrainSong ~ The Micah Jones Foundation as my charity of choice as I ran for the People's Choice for Mrs. California United States.  I hadn't told anyone and up on the Mrs. CA US site it went.  So when I got a call the next morning I was stunned that Micah was asking me if I would come to Zanesville, OH to participate in their 2nd annual "Rock the Walk" event.  My heart was skipping everywhere; I was overwhelmed by how the events had been orchestrated to come to this amazing opportunity...and unbelievably excited!  I thanked God for his mysterious and amazing ways.  He had put it in my heart to make BrainSong my charity of choice and I was overwhelmed that He already had something even bigger in motion.

 

 

Responding to the invitation to participate in the "Rock the Walk" event with BrainSong

 

Several years ago while working at a camp in Northern WI for the summer of 2000, people began to tell me that I would speak to a lot of people...especially women...and I would tell my story to encourage and inspire them.  I was NOT excited...that was the last thing I wanted to do!  I had always run from anything that would reveal who I really was or the tragic events I had been subjected to in life.  I often wondered who in their right mind would want to hear about my personal tragedies.  I had been through such a truly horrific and confusing life in so many ways that people were often surprised that I didn't have a severely skewed view of God, but through a series of unique events and loving people, I learned that He had plans for me...even if I didn't like the sound of them yet, it was comforting to know He was there for me and wasn't leaving.  Still, I struggled with this possible destiny.   It was a miracle that I had actually begun to share parts of my life story at all, but I had watched it help people and encourage them to overcome crises and, sometimes, incredible odds, and I realized that it would be selfish of me to keep that kind of encouragement to myself...and so I continued to share one on one or in small groups.  Little did I know how much more I would go through and have yet to share.

The more I shared parts of my story, the more people told me this was my destiny.  After some more college, a nice paying job, and then a major detour/series of tragic events (which I may share at a later time), I began to feel unbelievably restless and a little disoriented.  I sensed the nearing of my destiny and still didn't want anything to do with it.  I was terrified of sharing my life in a public format.  I decided that I should serve my country and joined the Army as a Soldier in the field of military intelligence in 2005.  I figured I could suffer behind the scenes and alone and no one would be the wiser.  I now had an excuse for not being public about my life. However, after falling apart physically...partially paralyzed left leg, traumatic brain injury, heart attack, and brain tumor...I realized that this career wasn't looking very good for me.  Three years later I left the Army definitely worse off than I entered.  By the time I experienced my third traumatic brain injury in 2011, I finally began sharing some of my story.  I was stunned to find just how much it inspired people and encouraged them to overcome whatever difficulty or tragedy they had encountered in life.  I wasn't even better yet, but I was on my way and the fact that I wasn't going to let it get me down seemed to inspire people.  I was amazed I could help anyone.

I realized, then, that sharing my story was not as scary as I thought it would be and I was never given the labels I thought would have to bear.  My story was no longer just my story...it was a life line, a message of hope, a courage to lend people in crises or difficulty.  I began to speak to more and more people and each time I doubted that this might be my calling in life, someone would show up to let me know that I should share my story with still more people.  A man even showed up at the gym in spite of not really wanting to be there and let me know that God told him to tell me that I should share my story...what!?  Wow...I couldn't even go to the gym without hearing about this destiny I was so unsure about.  I was still holding out in spite of all the clarity until one night in particular really made an impact on me and helped me understand that this calling was for real and I needed to take it seriously.

My husband called; his mom was in the Intensive Care Unit at the Hospital in Las Vegas where she had been life-flighted to.  We gathered some belongings and set out from Monterey to see her.  It was late when we arrived and were relieved to find that she was improving.  As we talked with the ICU nurse, my past traumatic brain injuries came into the conversation and she really wanted to know more.  I was a little hesitant at first since I wasn't used to just sharing my story with people I didn't know at least a little...it just seemed so risky, but I shared while she just stood amazed.  She asked me to connect with her daughter.  I told her I would be happy to, but didn't for a while. 

When this nurse's daughter, Kaylea, and I became friends, we began talking some about our experiences with our TBI's and the struggles we went through and were still going through because of them.  As we built camaraderie, she began to encourage me to share on a bigger platform and to become an advocate for women with traumatic brain injuries.  I wasn't so sure I was ready for that, but began to think it over.  She sent me jewelry she made as part of her therapy to heal and a book to exercise my brain among other things...so supportive and encouraging.  She also introduced me to friends and groups that helped women with their struggles to recovery from TBI's.  I was stunned to find so many people who were going through the same kinds of struggles I was going through and felt encouraged...just knowing I was not alone was healing in and of itself.  Kaylea never stopped encouraging me to be an advocate...she believed in me when I struggled to believe in myself. 

One day I saw her connection with Micah Jones and BrainSong and knew that everything about this foundation mirrored what my heart was saying.  I instantly wanted to participate!  I even offered to somehow do something in California that would help with the foundation in 2012, but it was not meant to be...yet.  I continued to support what they did and corresponded more and more until March 22, 2013 at 8:00am when I got the phone call that made my heart sing!  Would I be willing to participate in person and partner with the foundation?  Yes, yes, yes...if there was any bigger way to say "yes", I would!  I'm overwhelmed that God would allow me to be a part of such an amazing work and fill a role that has helped, and I believe will continue to help, so many women recover their health, joy, and hope.  Humbled, I pray that I will be a blessing as I feel more blessed than I ever dreamed I could be. 

P.S. Thank you, Kaylea and Micah, my fellow TBI survivors, for making such an amazing impact on my life by encouraging me to walk in my destiny with dignity and might...you're friendship means more to me than I have the words to convey. 


Micah Jones 

http://www.brainsong.org/         

 

I can hardly wait to share pictures of a successful "Rock the Walk" event on behalf of BrainSong and all the women who have survived traumatic brain injuries!!

 

 

*See "Speaking at the BrainSong - Micah Jones Foundation 'Rock The Walk' Event" post for an update.

WAR Party - Preventing Human Trafficking and Providing Women a Way Out

March 16, 2013

WAR Party


The day has finally arrived and I'm so excited I can hardly sleep!  I've invited everyone I know and prepared everything I can think of to have a successful WAR party.  My husband is ready to help me too...he's even gone to get the snacks for those who show up! We've partnered with Women At Risk International http://warinternational.org/ to fight modern day slavery by hosting a jewelry party.  This jewelry isn't just any jewelry though.  It's made and sold by women who are at risk of being trafficked as well as those who have been rescued from trafficking.  Making and selling jewelry provides them with a way to support themselves and their families thus keeping them from the clutches of those who seek to exploit and enslave them.    This is such an amazing opportunity to make a difference in the lives of women and their children...and all the generations that follow as well as the lives of people they interact with along the way.  The smallest involvement is still one step toward ending today's slavery. 

So many people find it easier to pretend it's not happening today and yet, according to Interpol, there are more slaves today than ever in the course of history.  Modern day slavery is real and everywhere...even in your state no matter which state you live in! 

Opening the boxes of jewelry and setting them out on display was really awe-inspiring.  The jewelry, scarves, purses, perfume bottles, children's things, and decorations were exquisite and worth much more than they were priced.  I was stunned to find such an array of items from pearls and gems to gold, silver, and fabric jewelry.  Each piece was obviously meticulously crafted to perfection.  Selling this jewelry would be a piece of cake!

March 17. 2013

We've decided to make it two days due to the level of interest!

Well, I'm happy to say that today was a huge success!  Several people stopped by and bought jewelry, donated, or both.  My husband even set up a table at the local supermarket to hand out information and sell some jewelry, which he coordinated and set up himself as I was unable to attend due to previous commitments.  I met new people and saw those I knew well - it was a fun and friendly affair with a great purpose.

Want to host your own party?  Give them a call!  Party with a Purpose!!





See the post called "Joining the Fight to Stop Human Trafficking" to read about my personal experiences with human trafficking and how I first got involved in the fight against human trafficking.


Mrs. California United States Workshop

March 2, 2013

Got to meet some very amazing women today!  They were incredibly sweet and great fun!!

Workshop in Nor Cal with some of the sweetest women I know

I also learned a lot about myself at this workshop.  I was hoping to, but I was surprised that I learned so much more than I even imagined I would.  I remember running in my first pageant ever and having one of the judges ask me, "Who are you?"  I can't remember to this day what I might have said to her, but I remember very well what I was thinking...  I didn't know.  It had only been one year since my second traumatic brain injury and I was struggling to admit that I wasn't fully healed.  I desperately wanted to be okay and have life return to some kind of normalcy.  I felt devastated that I didn't know how to get back there.  I used to know who I was.  Now, I felt torn apart from the inside out...but there I sat with a smile anchored in place looking this woman in the eye and saying who knows what.  Even my bio was upside-down and backwards.  The biggest problem:  I was afraid to tell people who I really was.  How could I say, "I am a traumatic brain injury survivor and I'm still healing."  To me it sounded like I was trying to be a brain surgeon with no hands.  No wonder my husband was trying so hard to be supportive, but very concerned that I wasn't ready.  He was right.  Still I learned something along the way and wouldn't trade the experience for the world.  I continued to run in pageants and learn while continuing to heal and grow.  When my husband began to urge me to run for Mrs. California United States, I knew that I had somehow made it through an unbelievable healing journey.  Now as I participated in an incredible workshop, I realized that my life would never be the same again.

Having a good laugh with Tracie while working on pageant platform

 

As I began to share my story, a picture of who I am began to unfold.  I had healed emotionally, psychologically, and cognitively and had become so much more than I could have ever dreamed.  I hadn't really taken the time to think about or revel in it before, but I was suddenly humbled, overwhelmed, and grateful beyond words by all I'd been given and given again.  The very events of my life that at one point I thought had destroyed me, instead became an opportunity to become the courageous and empathetic leader I had become...by the grace of God.


April 24, 2013

A couple weeks later in another incredible workshop, I had the amazing pleasure of meeting some of the most sweet, gracious, and accomplished people who were so kind in lending their time to help several of us with interview...so grateful to have been so graciously bestowed such a wonderful opportunity! 

Mock Interview

Thank you to Tracie, Janice, and all of the mock judges for putting so much time and energy into helping us be the best we could be!  I learned so much that will help me in life!  Thank you Sharon for sharing your home!!

Light Summer Poetry

 

 

November 2, 2012

This was true long before I knew I was a Light Summer.

I had my colors analyzed in the 12 Blueprints system and found out I was a Light Summer.  I also discovered that my personality was very much tied to my colors and was truly fascinated by this.   I decided to write out my thoughts about this.  If you are a Light Summer with 12 Blueprints Color Analysis then maybe it will resonate with you too.  I have no doubt that some of my description has to do with my personal style and body type as well, but maybe, at least, some of it is true for all light summers.

Being a light summer feels like choosing colors from a rainbow to wear each day!

Ok...true confessions...it wasn't so much concrete as it was a bunch of metaphors that helped me understand the harmony of the elegance, fun, and sport of light summer with elegance carrying the melody.   I was struggling to wrap my mind around who I was in life as it seemed like several things at once without necessarily being mixed together to become something else...and yet, like music, sounding like one song at the same time.  Our skin tone, rather than becoming lavender, the pink and blue remain separate and in contrast to each other while also complementing each other with a yellow undertone warming everything up as though the sun is rising through a cool dawn mist.

A Light Summer 

Light summer is the serene summer sunrise with a kiss of vibrant spring.  This is calm with some passion and not too serious...a pool of warm clear blue water with small waves and the sun sparkling on tips of the waves of a spraying fountain...a day on a sail boat with sails at full mast on a bright warm day...cool mist in the air on a warm sunny day...the gentle, but playful lap of the clear blue water at the feet of sunbathers on the beach...a butterfly with it's delicate wings and vibrant colors withstanding the strong gals of wind in life...the pale, but still bright color of a cherry or orange sherbet popsicle dripping on a warm summer day while playing in the sprinkler on the lawn...a ballerina dancing to beach or pop music...an attorney wearing pink and grey with her collar unbuttoned...a pageant girl with a shy, but mischievous smile on stage. 

It's the unexpected.

 

Beyond light summer I'm delicate, but strong...like the pastel, but radiant beams of a sunrise piercing the darkness...in clothes that means light-hearted and bright, but hazy colors with specific structure...even if it looks unstructured - it's not messy or sloppy or with no form.

I'm fun with a purpose...everything feels light-hearted, but I know that there is a definite plan and reason for everything...the clothing translation of that would be that it could flutter in the wind, but it's striking and has a very intentional and elegant silhouette.

 

I am serious, but comforting and amiable, which means, in terms of clothes, that I could wear a color that might seem bland such as grey or beige, but will emphasize the texture or give some subliminal attention to the detailed stitching or lace or unique button embellishments...the outline will be definitively feminine.  This is the kiss of spring on summer. 

My desire is to convey a message of elegance and design in everything I do.  As a rose with drops of dew on the petals in the hours of the sunrise just before the full break of day...never a completely matte face, but also not a shiny one...just enough moisture to be considered dewy from the morning mist.

Radiant hair is the best, not because it is over-powering or in your face, but because it accentuates the faint passionate fire mixed with the coolness of a soothing balm beneath my skin.  My hair is golden, light, warm like the sun or caramel or an elegant fur.  It is the accent to the face and eyes like the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae.  It is shiny though not slick.  It's as though the sun were beaming out of it or as if it were a smooth mink coat...soft, soothing, warm...silky.

My eyes reflect the sun, but coupled with the calm and comfort of the mist of a summer day to shield from the sun's full strength.  There is a hint of mischief in the midst of the serenity of the moment.  There is a twinkle of fun and joy in the comfort and calm like the sparkle of the sun on a calm pool of water in a misting fountain.

Light summer is delicate, but strong...elegant, but not fragile...structured, but not rigid...calm, but not boring...striking, but not harsh...vibrant, but not glaringly so...flexible, but stable...creative, but not wandering...soft spoken, but not timid...outgoing, but not brash...sensitive, but not easily offended...warm, but not hot...cool, but not cold...comforting, but not smothering...interdependent, but no more than that...light-hearted, but purposeful...determined, but reasonable...daring, but not too bold...fun with purpose...a level-headed risk-taker...a thoughtful dreamer...a grounded visionary...a quiet champion...a capable leader...a lover of fine art...a creative catalyst. 

 

This is what a light summer sounds like...

 

 

 

 

The beat never feels loud, brash, or out of place, but it is unmistakably present...it's the spring in the step of the summer's light motion...the sparkle on the breeze.  A light summer dances on the very tips of her toes with a spring in her step...it's graceful  and fun.  Her movements are magical as she floats by with a purposeful quickness in her step.  Like a gentle breeze on a warm day, she flutters by almost unnoticed except for the warm caress felt as she passes by.  It's as though she has caressed your heart without you knowing simply by being present.  Her presence is unmistakable with her calm countenance, warm smile, sparkling eyes, and an energy that lingers long after she walks away.  If you could not find your senses to react quickly enough, you may realize she has slipped away without your reaction, but you will know, without a doubt, she was there.   She is mysterious as she fluidly and magically dances through life with a profound purposefulness.  She is captivating and mesmerizing.

 

 

Light summer sparkles in the most graceful way possible...she is the ultimate sophistication and elegance.  She is that china face who is standing straight with twinkling eyes that no one can take their eyes off of and who they never forget.  She makes people feel like they are the most important in the world and collects friends wherever she goes.  She is loyal, discreet, appropriate, and dignified at every turn.  Everything she does is subtle, but extraordinary.  Her life is full of moments and memories that could be captured and set free in poetry, but the number of them is nearly overwhelming and so often lives on in the soul.  This is why she leaves sparkles and sunshine in her wake...she's sharing the beauty of all of the moments and memories that could not be shared in any other way.  She is the tranquil moments, the thought-provoking quiet, the beautiful picture imprinted on the mind forever of sweet innocence so perfectly combined with sophisticated femininity.  She is not ashamed of her womanliness, but rather revels in its quiet power. 

 

 

She is a world of opposites, but not to the extreme...she is much of summer with a hint of spring.  However, light summer is not simply a mixture of two things - she is never the middle, mediocre, or bland...she is a vibrant rainbow after the rain!  She might struggle to take her place among the more flashy, dominant, and overwhelming types in the world.  However, once she knows who she is and settles into that knowledge, she becomes more noticeable and memorable than all the others with her quiet radiance and warm eyes.  A light summer need not stand and shout...no...a rainbow never shouts, but is rarely, if ever, ignored.  She simply stands and shines...and illuminates the hopes and dreams of all in her presence.   

 
A light summer is truly unforgettable 



This is how I see a light summer and the best me...though sometimes I tend to try to be something else, I am most as ease when I'm being a light summer.  Now to live up to such a description.

Some of this post was inspired by Kathryn Kalisz of Sci/ART and 

Christine Scaman's description of a Light Summer on the 12 Blueprints website.

http://www.12blueprints.com/light-summer-ce-and-being-not-pale/



 

Collaborating with Stanford and The Department of Veterans Affairs

November 6, 2012

I was asked by Stanford University and the Department of Veteran's Affairs to participate in a Workshop to create a video that would help educate medical staff, encourage fellow veteran's and raise public awareness.  I was excited, but I really had no idea the profound effect it would have on my life.  

January 14, 2013, the day I returned from the three day Workshop in Palo Alto, CA, I wrote...

There are moments in life that change you forever. This weekend I got together with fellow female veterans at the poly trauma unit of the Veterans Affairs Hospital to work on a project to share our experiences with traumatic brain injuries that we acquired while in the military and how they affected our lives. I was a little apprehensive knowing that what I shared would be going into the Smithsonian National Archives, however, knowing it would also help doctors, medical staff, and the public understand the affects of traumatic brain injuries on woman veterans and encourage fellow traumatic brain injury survivors, I was determined to do it. Something difficult to talk about turned into acceptance, camaraderie, validation...and healing. 

There is no way to describe the bond I felt with my fellow comrades in arms.  We expressed many things, but we had seen so much and didn't have words for it all.  In those spaces where words did not suffice, there was a quiet understanding...a look, a hug, a tearful nod...it said it all.  We had all been there and felt no need to explain it to each other. 

There are so many things that happen to a woman that are different than when they happen to a man when they are injured.  Since all the studies for the affects of  traumatic brain injuries on military personnel had been done on men, the medical staff were often baffled when it came to helping a woman veteran deal with such an injury, which led them to begin a study to find out what the differences are between how men and women cope with this particular trauma.  My three battle buddies and I became the first women to be studied by the Department of Veteran's Affairs for the affects of traumatic brain injuries on female veterans.  I felt incredibly honored and overwhelmed as the press snapped pictures, jotted down statements, and the head of the Poly Trauma Units of Stanford and the Department of Veterans Affairs introduced themselves to us.  The significance of this event began to settle in...we were making history.   However, the lasting impression of the event was the care of the doctors, the beautiful hearts of my fellow veterans, and the impact we made on each other.

For all the tragedy we had seen and been through, we laughed openly, joked around, and had immense fun!  I have to admit that some of the most fun we had during those four days making our videos was actually in the evening when we got to know each other.  We stayed at a "Hometel" on the Department of Veterans Affairs Hospital campus, which was supposed to be a cross between a hotel and hostel, but really they could have just described it as a  converted hospital.  Two of us ended up in one room with a third who also stayed at the Hometel in another room on the other side of the hospital. 

After dinner one evening we headed inside when a police officer appeared and startled me.  I nearly jumped into the bushes.  He looked at me very strange trying to figure out if I was guilty or just crazy!  We all had a good laugh about it.  Later that night we decided that the battle (battle buddy) on the other side of the hall should come to our room to sleep...especially since her leg was in a cast...she needed to have supervision.  My pregnant battle buddy / roommate and I took off for the other hall, told her she needed to get her stuff and hop aboard the hometel (hospital) bed.  As we wheeled her down the hall and around the receptionists desk, I was being the point man and keeping a look out.  Just as I pulled the bed into the hall past the receptionists area, there was the same police officer walking down the hall toward us.  I began to shove the bed that I'd been pulling and began to jump around saying, "Go back, go back."  You would have thought we were under fire in all out war...we laughed hysterically about it later.  The officer stopped and just stared at me once he got around the corner.  I think he was still trying to figure out if I was crazy.  My battle kept a cool head and just kept on pushing the bed toward our room letting him know that we needed to keep her under supervision due to her injury.  He just blinked and then stared at us eventually walking on out the front doors.   

Sharron, Rachel (Me), Nadine in the "Hometel"

Away from the analysis, studies, projects, and the words that would be recorded and archived at the National Smithsonian, we settled in and began to tell the gritty version of our stories, the horrors we
had faced, and the struggles we were still going through.  The knowledge that we were not as alone as we thought we were when we had each struggled in our own ways through our nightmares, was more encouraging than anything else could have been.  Knowing that we had each been through hell and high water (so to speak) and lived to tell about it was suddenly realized as an accomplishment.  So many don't make it back, but we were each better off than we had been and found a gratefulness and joy in that very significant fact.

I will never forget any of them as they left indelible footprints on my heart.  I will never forget the care of the doctors and their humble interaction or the digital story telling facilitator and her patience with our banter or how my battle buddies chose to courageously tell their stories when it was easier to leave them untold ...amazing women gathered together in the name of making a difference in the lives of others.  Truly unforgettable.

 

 

Me, Nadine, Angelina, Dr. Joyce, and Sharron at dinner together the last night.

 

Thank you, Dr. Carmelinda, Dr Joyce, Andrea, Nadine, Sharron, and Angelina, for leaving such beautiful footprints on my life. 

The final version of my digital story from this workshop...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mBt1jvGtbK8

 

*See the post "In Her Own Words" on June 29, 2013 for an update

Skydiving...Somehow...Someway.

May 28, 2012

 

I went sky diving, I went rocky mountain climbing, I even rode a few seconds on a bull, but his name wasn't fu Manchu...



A Whole New Perspective - Me and My Instructor Ravi

Memorial day to me just seemed like the most appropriate day to go sky diving, something I'd had on my bucket list since I was in high school.  I never doubted that I would sky dive someday and talked about it regularly even though I had been injured so badly in the Army that I was told I would likely never walk without assistance.  As is usually the case with me, I thought "watch me".  I was determined I wasn't just going to walk again, I was going to run...someway...somehow.   I still had a brain tumor and was trying my best to recover from heart failure and a traumatic brain injury, but I decided that I could either die having lived or live while already dead.  For me there wasn't even a question.  I picked up my cane and hobbled out of the clinic in my Army uniform and tennis shoes determined to get better...somehow...someway.  I didn't know right then, but it would take years, tears, and plenty of frustration for me to recover, but with my battle buddies loosing body parts in Iraq or coming back in a box, I was happy to be alive and have my limbs.  My leg was partially paralyzed, the pain that radiated from  my back was nothing shy of excruciating and my foot felt like it was sparking with electricity regularly, but I wasn't going to let the limbs I was blessed to still have sit idle.  I figured if I was going to make a difference in this life, I couldn't give up no matter how much I wanted to curl up in a corner and call it a day.  Besides, I still had several things on my list to do...like sky diving.

Now as an Army veteran, the day finally arrived...on Memorial Day I was going to jump out of a perfectly good airplane and fall to the ground...at least that's how my doctors described it.  I think they were trying to talk me out of it in their own way.  I was already intoxicated with the thought of seeing the world from a new perspective and feeling the rush of the wind in my face...leaving my troubles on the ground for a moment in time and free-falling 15,000 feet!  Nope, there was no stopping me.  I walked into the sky diving facility to let them know I was ready to go and saw people strapping their equipment on.  My heart sped up...this is it...finally.  I walked outside and watched them pile into a little plane and take off.  It looked like they were going straight up...oh wow!  I went back inside and waited for them to come back as I read the messages on the wall.  It seemed everyone had something fun to say...my anticipation grew...if that was possible. 

I sat on the couch in front of the TV that was playing instructions again on how to sky dive wondering when my turn would come.  I heard my name.  I looked at my husband, "Did you hear my name?"  He shook his head.  The TV was pretty loud, but there it was again...it was our turn!!  After a little confusion I was introduced to the person I would tandem jump with through an interpreter.  I spoke very little Russian and he spoke very little English so we were ironing out the signals for each stage of the jump through our interpreter.  Wow...well, this was definitely going to add a little adventure to the this unique trip...lol!  Before I knew it, we were suited up and partnered with our respective instructors walking to that little plane we had seen earlier.  We piled in...I was the first in and then my husband, Erick.  We were going to jump from a couple thousand more feet than everyone else.  As they piled in, I was surprised by how many people could actually fit into this little plane...16, 17, 18...whew.  Up we went nose tilted toward the high noon sun.  My heart began to pound...what was I doing?.  I looked out the window as the earth became smaller and smaller. 


We leveled off and the door opened just inches from my foot which was extended out in front of me facing the back of the plane.  The first set of divers slid out the door.  They didn't have far to go since they were right up against the door on the way up.  Then the next set...and the next...and the next...and the next...and the next until there was just Erick and I and our instructors.  The camera got turned on about this time as I stared out the window wondering if I really should have done this after all...I mean that's long way down.  The higher we climbed the tighter my grip got on the bar over my head.  Erick's instructor asked me a question, which I answered very candidly about my true feelings at the moment in a southern accent at that. 

 

 Suddenly the door shut and the plane took a sharp turn upward as we climbed a couple more thousand feet.  Erick did his best to comfort me as I was looking a little jittery.

 

 My instructor pried my hand off of the bar over my head and stuck it in my lap.  We couldn't communicate very well verbally so he made it clear through body language that in my lap was where I was to keep my hands by giving them a little extra shove.  I complied...reluctantly.  Whew...this was more scary than I had imagined.  I probably shouldn't have read all those stories about people's parachute's malfunctioning. 

We slid toward the door and my instructor leaned over to open the door.  Talk about scary...I was strapped to the front of him which meant I was looking out at the ground not just hundreds of feet up, but thousands, the instant the door opened.  Yikes!  I put my head back against his shoulder and stared at the roof of the plane as our feet dangled over the side of the plane.  After a few failed attempts of him trying to get me to look at the camera, he finally made the camera look at me and scooted on out.  Suddenly it was fun, except that I couldn't breath!  I was surprised by the force of air coming at me and my mouth was as dry as cotton, but the fear was gone.  I figured whatever happened from here was going to happen no matter what so I was going to enjoy the moment!  I was in awe.



Looking at the video later, I saw myself acting like a little kid and making these unusual expressions...for me anyway.  You could tell that I was in child-like wonder of everything that was going on.  While I just made a leap out of an airplane and landed safely (well...somewhat safely, as you can see at the end of the video) in the physical sense, the leap I've made inside by doing so is much bigger.  I'm going to conquer, not just my fears and frustrations by pursuing my dreams even when they seem impossible or feel incredibly difficult to obtain, but I'm also going to make a difference in some way even if it's just by simply not giving up.  




My Official Skydiving Certificate