Why Do I Run for the Title "Mrs. California?"

July 25, 2013

This question is so closely tied to what motivates me in life, what gets me up every morning, and what makes me who I am.  So I guess I'd be answering all of these questions at once when I answer why I run for the title of Mrs. California...

First of all, I love people...they are without a doubt my area of expertise in life.  I have been through many different fields of work, explored several opportunities, and tested my desire to pursue certain careers to the point that many people were left scratching their head in wonder when they glanced through my resume.  Their question was often, "Soooo....what do you want to be when you grow up?"  At first I would laugh and tell them I was still asking that question.  I wondered why I hadn't found solace in any of my amazing opportunities I'd been given until one day I discovered a common thread.  I loved people and I especially loved communicating with people, but, by far, what I loved most was helping people get somewhere they wanted to be, inspiring people to be the best they could be, and motivating people to find healing spiritually, mentally, and physically.  With this in mind, I finally realized that being a life coach was truly and without a doubt what I wanted to be when I grew up.  Well, I'm happy to say that I am seeing that dream realized now!

Originally I began running for Mrs. California because I saw it as a way to motivate myself as I relearned to walk and talk correctly again after experiencing traumatic brain injuries that left me with a struggle and confusion.  It also gave me purpose as I gave a voice to people who didn't have one.  It meant no curling up in the corner, but getting involved and about doing something meaningful.  I experienced two more traumatic brain injuries after I began running for Mrs. California, which left me starting from scratch each time.  I decided to relentlessly pursue rebuilding myself into who I wanted to be while pursuing recovery.  I continued to run in spite of the bumpy road my journey was taking me down. 

As my brain healed, the confusion began to clear, and I was able to express myself better, I found that my love for people and the desire to make their lives better was as strong as ever, but I wasn't sure how I would mesh it all together since I had no desire to tell my story.  The last thing I wanted was people feeling sorry for me, labeling me, or catering to me because I was struggling through this unique injury.  Unfortunately, I was looking at it from a perspective that wasn't very helpful and I stumbled on so sure that people wouldn't give me a chance if I told them what happened to me.

After sensing that God wanted me to tell my story and hearing many people convey their desire to hear my story and then their desire for me to tell my story to others after hearing it, I finally agreed to.  To my surprise, most people accepted me for who I was and wrapped loving arms around me without labeling me or treating me with pity.  Through telling my story, I began to see hope light people's eyes and hearts and realized what an incredible opportunity I had been given.  What I thought had taken my dreams away, instead brought me to a destiny beyond my wildest imagination. 

The next time I ran for Mrs. California, I had something urgent to share.  I couldn't wait to share hope with the people around me who had been devastated by a brain injury whether they themselves had experienced it or their loved one had experienced it.   Suddenly my path to self rediscovery had turned into a journey of healing for me and those who had experienced something similar.  Becoming Mrs. California was no longer just a personal journey of discovery, but rather an opportunity to share hope with hundreds, thousands...who knows? ...maybe millions. 

One thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to help people and becoming Mrs. California was definitely a way to do just that!

 

 

 

Speaking at the BrainSong -The Micah Jones Foundation "Rock the Walk" Event

July 13, 2013

I am incredibly honored to partner with BrainSong - The Micah Jones Foundation, a non-profit organization that  helps women with traumatic brain injuries learn to live "life with new lyrics".  I got invited to speak at their annual Rock the Walk Event in recognition of Ohio's Traumatic Brain Injury Awareness Day, an event focused on raising awareness of the effects of traumatic brain injuries on women, encouraging fellow survivors, friends, and family as well as speaking on their behalf across the nation.  After being helped through some of my darkest days by Micah Jones, BrainSong, and those connected with this foundation, it is an incredible honor to be able to give back in some small way what I have been so graciously given.

 www.brainsong.org/

 

The following statistics are directly from the BrainSong website:

Every 15 seconds, someone in the US suffers a traumatic brain injury. Of the 1,000,000 people treated in hospital emergency rooms each year, 50,000 die and 80,000 become permanently disabled because of traumatic brain injury (TBI).

Brain injuries occur more frequently than breast cancer or AIDS.

One out of every fifty Americans is currently living with disabilities from TBI.

An average of 561,000 females suffer traumatic brain injury each year.

Division of Injury and Disability Outcomes and Programs National Center for Injury Prevention and Control Centers for Disease Control and Prevention Department of Health and Human Services www.cdc.gov/injury October 2004

 

 

THE TRIP OF A LIFETIME

 

With tickets in my hand, my husband helped get my luggage out of the car, and kissed me as I wrapped my arms around his neck and told him tearfully that I would miss him.  Walking into the airport, I turned around and waved.  As usual, he was waiting for it and waved back then pulled away from the curb to avoid having security tell him to.  My heart dropped and then  began to speed up...I was really headed to Ohio to see my friend, Micah!  Her and her organization, BrainSong had come to mean so much to me.  Soon I would find out just how many lives she'd inspired, but for now I was settling into my seat for the flight.  I wished so much that I could see Monterey Bay as we took off, but to no avail.  It was too cloudy to even see the ground.  * I love to fly as you probably figured out from my skydiving post...if you saw that blog entry. :)

Landing in Ohio, I got to see Micah in person for the first time.  We both squealed and ran over to each other, which became rather humorous since I was dragging my suitcase behind me through the cars weaving around each other trying to pick up their own passengers.  We got my suitcase in the car and went to pick up Hank.  He was so excited to see her - it was awesome how he danced around with all his heart.  Hank is an Irish Setter whose hair perfectly matched mine...lol!  We became instant buddies.  (The next day when we went out for breakfast, Hank posed for some pictures with us in the car.  He was so precious!  When I sent one of them to my husband, he instantly replied that Hank really liked me.)

That evening I met Micah's family.  They were all so kind.  Micah's brothers had just flown in for the Rock the Walk event as well.  It was very apparent just how much they loved each other!  I was exhausted and still recovering from my fourth traumatic brain injury early this year in May, but I wouldn't have missed it for the world!  I was nervous.  Everyone wanted to know what I planned to say at the event.  Whew...well, I had my script ready since I was struggling to remember things once again, but I was a little nervous about speaking to people who had been through so much.  How did I know they'd been through so much?  Because a traumatic brain injury of any magnitude disrupts a person's life and those around them in ways that can hardly be explained.  As I prayed about it, I decided that I would stick to the script, but convey my heart with all it's compassion. 

We All Changed Our FB Banners to This Picture on July 9th

The day came and I was struggling a bit with putting myself together with so much humidity.  My hair was trying to curl while I was trying to keep it straight and it finally ended up in a pony tail, but I decided to forget about how I might look and be in the moment.  We headed out to the high school stadium. I met person after person...it was incredible and delightful...and a little overwhelming trying to remember all those names. 

As the event began, we were all handed sunflowers to celebrate our survival.  A tribute to a fallen TBI comrade was played by their family members as we soaked in the preciousness and, sometimes taken-taken-for-granted, fragility of life.  I began to ponder all of the fears I had overcome to live out loud every day.  I was glad that I chose fearlessness rather than curling up the corner, which would be much easier for sure.  I looked at the sunflower in my hands and realized just how significant it really was.  We weren't just celebrating being alive, we were celebrating living out loud.  It takes so much courage to be a part of the world after being damaged so badly.  There is definitely a time for healing and sometimes limitations beyond our control, but to see a row of survivors who had overcome so much to sit at this event moved me beyond words.

 

I swallowed hard as tears threatened to pool in my eyes.  I was blessed to be here and incredibly honored and humbled to speak into the lives of all these people...  "Lord," I whispered, "help me speak what they need to hear."   Micah said a few words and it was my turn.  I walked to the platform.  My legs seemed more confident than my head, but I stood before them, took a deep breath and I began to sing.  Oh...yes...I forgot to mention that they asked me to sing too.  It was  the first time since my vocal cords had begun to heal that I was going to sing.  

In 2008, when my face was crushed and reconstructed, I didn't know it, but my dreams had been crushed as well.  I have insatiable and beyond humungous love for music...especially singing.  I'd been singing since I was...well, born...at least that's what my mom said.  She said I sounded like I was singing when I cried...like I was making a melody, "Ling, ling, lu..."  It was destiny because just after my grandmother gave me a piano at seven years old, I started voice and piano lessons. I would sing in groups, sing solos, sing and play the piano at the same time, I would sing in plays, I would sing for state competitions and eventually international competitions.  My college even offered me the opportunity to sing in their exclusive chorus as a representative while traveling the country.

There was no doubt in anyone's mind that I loved to sing so there was no major surprise when I got the opportunity to audition in Nashville for some of the biggest record labels in the country back when getting audition sight unseen was almost unheard of.  At 5'10 and with both a modeling and acting career in full swing, the word was that I was going to make it big in the music industry.  I began recording, but then headed off to the U.S. Army.  After meeting my, now, husband Erick in 2005, we made plans for our future as we worked toward marriage in which I was going to write, sing, and finish recording while he became my manager however we could while we served and then after we got out of the military. We were super excited about the plan...and then while in surgery in 2008, my left vocal cord was damaged.  I didn't realize it until I tried to sing again.  My voice was not the same.  My music dreams were official crushed.  This was one of my great bonds with Micah.  We both love music and both had our dreams of being in the music industry crushed by a traumatic brain injury.  While our stories are quite different in how it happened, we both had to deal with crushed dreams. 

So...why was I singing now?  In March of 2013, my doctor began to help me with an infection that lingered in my head since the surgery in 2008.  One day I went home and began singing in the shower.  I was stunned - I sounded like I used to sound before the surgery!!  I didn't say anything to the doctor because I didn't know how it had happened.  Then one day while he was working on me, he said that he hadn't wanted to tell me sooner because he didn't want me to get my hopes up, but my left vocal cord was starting to vibrate recently and that it hadn't been vibrating before that!  So here I was singing the National Anthem as a veteran and survivor of many things.  It didn't sound perfect and I was so nervous about it, but I was grateful that I was on my way to singing again!

As the last note came out of my mouth, I paused and heard it echo around the stadium.  Wow...I suddenly felt so small and big at the same time...and mostly amazed by what God was doing with my life.  I paused and looked out at all the expectant faces, took another deep breathe and began to share a little of my story.  As I thanked the survivors and the supporters for participating and inspiring me and those around them by showing up, I saw their tears.  I was amazed that as the still broken person that I was, I could make such an impact.  As I turned to walk off the stage, I whispered, "Thank you, Lord."  Micah's mom gave me a nod and said, "great job."  I was so happy she was pleased by the outcome as she had invested so much time and energy in putting the event together. 

We walked the track to songs us survivors had picked out and talked with people who'd come to support BrainSong.  It was hilarious, fun, and...exhausting...lol!  Now that I was done singing and speaking, I could relax a little, but talking was almost more than my brain could do.  After a short break, all the survivors headed out for pizza where we got to know each other better.  As I heard their heart-breaking stories of survival and, now, struggle, I wished that I could help them all heal somehow, but the best I could do at the moment was be a friend.  It was in that moment that felt a strong urgency to find a way to help survivors with whatever means I could muster.  It's such a hard place to be - knowing what you want to communicate, but struggling to do so, knowing you're intelligent if you could just remember what was said thirty seconds ago, and trying to catch on to what's going on around you, but getting overwhelmed and exhausted instead!

Since I was still trying to recover from my most recent traumatic brain injury due to a balance issue that sent me down a flight of stairs and left me without my vision for a bit, it was really hard to absorb everything and keep up with everyone.  Still, without a doubt, it was a worthwhile experience.  Micah's family treated me like family - including me in all of their activities.  I was so honored to be a part of such a sweet and bonded family even if just for a few days.  Each one of them left indelible memories on my life and heart that I'll never forget!

Thank you, Micah and the Jones family, for making me feel at home, loved, and worthwhile!
Thank you for giving me the incredible opportunity to be a part of something so amazing!