I was asked by Stanford University and the Department of Veteran's Affairs to participate in a Workshop to create a video that would help educate medical staff, encourage fellow veteran's and raise public awareness. I was excited, but I really had no idea the profound effect it would have on my life.
January 14, 2013, the day I returned from the three day Workshop in Palo Alto, CA, I wrote...
There are moments in life that change you forever. This weekend I got together with fellow female veterans at the poly trauma unit of the Veterans Affairs Hospital to work on a project to share our experiences with traumatic brain injuries that we acquired while in the military and how they affected our lives. I was a little apprehensive knowing that what I shared would be going into the Smithsonian National Archives, however, knowing it would also help doctors, medical staff, and the public understand the affects of traumatic brain injuries on woman veterans and encourage fellow traumatic brain injury survivors, I was determined to do it. Something difficult to talk about turned into acceptance, camaraderie, validation...and healing.
There is no way to describe the bond I felt with my fellow comrades in arms. We expressed many things, but we had seen so much and didn't have words for it all. In those spaces where words did not suffice, there was a quiet understanding...a look, a hug, a tearful nod...it said it all. We had all been there and felt no need to explain it to each other.
There are so many things that happen to a woman that are different than when they happen to a man when they are injured. Since all the studies for the affects of traumatic brain injuries on military personnel had been done on men, the medical staff were often baffled when it came to helping a woman veteran deal with such an injury, which led them to begin a study to find out what the differences are between how men and women cope with this particular trauma. My three battle buddies and I became the first women to be studied by the Department of Veteran's Affairs for the affects of traumatic brain injuries on female veterans. I felt incredibly honored and overwhelmed as the press snapped pictures, jotted down statements, and the head of the Poly Trauma Units of Stanford and the Department of Veterans Affairs introduced themselves to us. The significance of this event began to settle in...we were making history. However, the lasting impression of the event was the care of the doctors, the beautiful hearts of my fellow veterans, and the impact we made on each other.
For all the tragedy we had seen and been through, we laughed openly, joked around, and had immense fun! I have to admit that some of the most fun we had during those four days making our videos was actually in the evening when we got to know each other. We stayed at a "Hometel" on the Department of Veterans Affairs Hospital campus, which was supposed to be a cross between a hotel and hostel, but really they could have just described it as a converted hospital. Two of us ended up in one room with a third who also stayed at the Hometel in another room on the other side of the hospital.
After dinner one evening we headed inside when a police officer appeared and startled me. I nearly jumped into the bushes. He looked at me very strange trying to figure out if I was guilty or just crazy! We all had a good laugh about it. Later that night we decided that the battle (battle buddy) on the other side of the hall should come to our room to sleep...especially since her leg was in a cast...she needed to have supervision. My pregnant battle buddy / roommate and I took off for the other hall, told her she needed to get her stuff and hop aboard the hometel (hospital) bed. As we wheeled her down the hall and around the receptionists desk, I was being the point man and keeping a look out. Just as I pulled the bed into the hall past the receptionists area, there was the same police officer walking down the hall toward us. I began to shove the bed that I'd been pulling and began to jump around saying, "Go back, go back." You would have thought we were under fire in all out war...we laughed hysterically about it later. The officer stopped and just stared at me once he got around the corner. I think he was still trying to figure out if I was crazy. My battle kept a cool head and just kept on pushing the bed toward our room letting him know that we needed to keep her under supervision due to her injury. He just blinked and then stared at us eventually walking on out the front doors.
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| Sharron, Rachel (Me), Nadine in the "Hometel" |
Away from the analysis, studies, projects, and the words that would be recorded and archived at the National Smithsonian, we settled in and began to tell the gritty version of our stories, the horrors we
had faced, and the struggles we were still going through. The knowledge that we were not as alone as we thought we were when we had each struggled in our own ways through our nightmares, was more encouraging than anything else could have been. Knowing that we had each been through hell and high water (so to speak) and lived to tell about it was suddenly realized as an accomplishment. So many don't make it back, but we were each better off than we had been and found a gratefulness and joy in that very significant fact.
I will never forget any of them as they left indelible footprints on my heart. I will never forget the care of the doctors and their humble interaction or the digital story telling facilitator and her patience with our banter or how my battle buddies chose to courageously tell their stories when it was easier to leave them untold ...amazing women gathered together in the name of making a difference in the lives of others. Truly unforgettable.
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| Me, Nadine, Angelina, Dr. Joyce, and Sharron at dinner together the last night. |
Thank you, Dr. Carmelinda, Dr Joyce, Andrea, Nadine, Sharron, and Angelina, for leaving such beautiful footprints on my life.
The final version of my digital story from this workshop...
*See the post "In Her Own Words" on June 29, 2013 for an update
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